iC7Zi-The-Inner-Child
|

The Inner Child: A Doorway Back to Wholeness

When anger knocks, I tend the fire,
keep it in the hearth, not higher.
Feet on ground, breath slow and free,
soft heart, strong back, clarity.

I meet the child who lives in me,
I say I see you, you are free.
A clean no, a clean yes, honesty,
warm hands choosing who to be.

What the inner child is

The inner child is the felt memory of you before armour formed. It is the spark that knew joy, fear, curiosity, and need before words were complex. It is not childish. It is original. It carries the imprint of your first bonds and your first meanings. It lives in the body more than in ideas.

Why it matters

Early experience teaches the nervous system what is safe and what is love. Those lessons become automatic rules. In stress the old rules run the show. Heal the inner child and the rules update. You gain choice where there was only reaction.

How wounding happens

Ages zero to seven the brain learns by feeling and imitation. Repeated messages become body beliefs. I must earn love. My needs are too much. Anger is dangerous. These beliefs set the tone. Later triggers call up the same states. The moment feels bigger than now because it includes then.

Protector parts that grow around the child

  • The Pleaser trades truth for approval.
  • The Controller tightens everything to stop hurt.
  • The Critic shames to keep you small and safe.
  • The Avoider numbs and disappears.
  • These parts are not enemies. They began as solutions. Thank them. Then retrain them.

Signs your inner child needs care

  • Big reactions to small events.
  • Hot shame after any mistake.
  • People pleasing, harsh self talk, or perfectionism.
  • Numbing with food, screens, work, or drama.
  • Fear of rejection or abandonment.
  • Feeling responsible for other people’s moods.

Signs of repair

  • Warm self regard after mistakes.
  • Play and curiosity without apology.
  • A clean no and a clean yes.
  • Joy in simple things.
  • Resilience after conflict.

Esoteric map that fits a simple life

Larger Face is silence. Small Face is action. The inner child is the living bridge. It carries breath from silence into the world. When you honour the child you allow innocence to inform choice. Innocence is not naivety. It is clear seeing without armour.

  • Symbols help the body remember.
  • Egg for the ego shell that must crack from within.
  • Phoenix for the heart that burns and rises.
  • Bindu for the red point at the centre where attention is pure.
  • Oak and acorn for pattern within seed and growth without hurry.

Alchemical stages of healing

  • Nigredo. Blackness. The hurt appears as grief, rage, or numbness. Stay. Warm the black with breath and presence.
  • Albedo. Washing. Tears and repair. The old story loosens.
  • Citrinitas. Dawn. Quiet joy for no reason.
  • Rubedo. Red life. Innocence and mastery join. Action carries love with a spine.

Core practice. Reparenting in five steps

  • Notice. Name the state. I feel five years old right now.
  • Soothe. One hand on chest, one on belly. Breathe in for four. Hold for two. Out for six. Three rounds.
  • Validate. Of course you feel scared or angry. It makes sense.
  • Update. Speak the truth the child never got. You are safe now. Your needs matter. You are worthy without performance.
  • Act. Take one adult step that proves the update. Set a boundary. Ask for help. Rest.

Work with anger and disrespect

  • Anger is a fire that protects. Keep it in the hearth.
  • In the moment say inside. My alarm is on.
  • Feel your feet. Relax your jaw. Slow your speech by half.
  • Ask. What do I need right now. Often the answer is simple. Respect. Space. Being heard.
  • Use clean phrases.
  • I need a moment. I will answer after I think.
  • I hear you. I see it differently.
  • I do not accept insults. We can talk when we both speak kindly.
  • To a child. I want to hear you. Speak with respect. Then I will respond.

After the moment, repair and update. Ask what age you felt. Give two sentences inside. I see you. I will not leave you when feelings rise. If you overreacted, own it without shaming yourself. I snapped. I am working on it. Here is what I needed.

Daily micro rituals

Morning check in. How old do I feel. What do you need.
Water rite. Rinse your face slowly. Say. I wash away what is not mine.
Fire rite. Light a candle. Whisper one intention. Keep it small. Keep it true.
Earth rite. Bare feet on ground. Thank the soil for carrying your weight.
Air rite. Three slow breaths before you speak in conflict.
Play for ten minutes. Draw, dance, mend, cook, or walk without a goal.
Evening repair. If you hurt someone, apologise cleanly. No self attack.

A seven day sequence

  • Day one. Safety. Create one simple room rule. No phone on the bed.
  • Day two. Breath. Two sessions. Three minutes each. Four in. Six out.
  • Day three. Truth. Tell one honest no and one honest yes.
  • Day four. Body. Twenty minutes of calm movement. Walk or stretch.
  • Day five. Script. Practise your boundary phrases aloud five times.
  • Day six. Gentle exposure. Invite a friend to disagree with you on a small topic. Stay present.
  • Day seven. Gratitude. Thank the child aloud for one brave thing this week.

Boundaries that heal

  • Limit time with those who mock your feelings.
  • Say no without an essay.
  • Choose relationships that allow both closeness and truth.
  • Protect sleep, food, and movement. Bodies trust rhythm.

Dreamwork

  • Before sleep ask. Little one, show me what I need to see.
  • On waking write three lines. Image, feeling, message.
  • Act on one message the same day. Trust grows through delivery.

Words that help

  • I see you. I hear you.
  • You did not cause what happened.
  • Your needs matter.
  • I will not abandon you when feelings rise.
  • We can go slow.

Measures of integration

  • You feel pain without leaving yourself.
  • You enjoy simple beauty without needing to display it.
  • You forgive without forgetting lessons.
  • You can be fierce without hatred.
  • You rest without guilt.

When to seek support

  • If memories or panic feel overwhelming.
  • If self harm or substance use is present.
  • If your anger feels out of control.
  • A trauma informed therapist or group can co regulate and help you build skill.

Two short prayers

  • Larger Face. I sit and breathe.
  • Small Face. I stand and act.
  • Little one at the centre. Keep the two as one in me.

Soft heart. Strong back. Clear eyes. Warm hands.

The inner child is not a step back. It is the doorway forward. Meet it with respect. Keep your promises to it with action. Let innocence and mastery travel together. As Marcus Aurelius wrote, you have power over your mind, not outside events. Use that power to make a home inside yourself where the child feels safe to play, to tell the truth, and to grow.

In Journey of Flow, “The Silent Elephant of the Psyche” honors the inner child through the symbology of Ganesha.

Untying the Inner Knots” invites you beyond rigid roles—No mother. No father. No son.—guided by the Buddha’s reminder, “The Dhamma (teachings) is like a raft, for crossing over, not for holding on”.

For the Larger Face, sit and meditate. For a fuller treatment, see Twice-Born: The Dance of Bliss, where I use the Shiva archetype to make sense of it.

For the afterword of the journey, please read Crack the Shell from Within.

The main point of all these teachings is to let go of every handle and arrive at clarity of mind. Of course, one must experience all experiences, but you cannot stay in them. The work is here and now, in this material world. Understand this clearly. The work is never ending, and healing human consciousness remains the most vital task of all.

For more on the clear luminous mind, see the Dzogchen teachings in Journey of Flow. And always remember the map when psychological waves are too much to handle.

Of course, in the end, the map must go too. Some things only happen at the end. For that, check the song Flow of Death.

In the end, let every mask fall. Only clarity remains. Do it at your own pace. New energies are in the air. What kind of person do you want to be?


I See You, You Are Free

Once more, life opens wide,
With beauty tender, pain beside.

Through shadow tides the heart must go,
Where buried fire begins to glow.

Responsibility, quiet and true,
In every breath, in all we do.

Let silence hold the drifting mind,
When thought is still, the path aligned.

What a wonder this world can be,
When clarity begins to see.

In every ripple, every shelf,
Emerges the pattern of one’s own self.

Choose to live, choose to dream,
Rooted deep in the silent gleam.

Similar Posts